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| Is this an accurate portrayal of what reality is today? |
Life has an interesting way of completely mind fucking you. I am presently 24 years old, I'm in the prime of my life, have most of my hair, workout on a regular basis, and like to think that my personality and sense of humor are some of my stronger qualities. But in all honesty, I feel like most days of the week I'm barely holding it all together. There is this feeling of impending doom that looms around me. I don't really know why exactly, I've always been what I like to call a "realist", which usually gets interpreted as pessimism. Which is true to a degree, but most people choose to live in some fantasy world that allows them to escape from their problems. I on the other hand just call it how it is. And that seems to be people's biggest problem with me.
For years, actually, decades my mouth has gotten me in more trouble than Pacman Jones in a strip club. It's honestly comical how many people I've pissed off. My Family can't wait till ill pack my shit and leave for good. My closest friends cant stomach me most days of the week, they might not admit it, but I'm a stubborn fuck when I want to be. My coworkers view me as an angry dickhead, just spouting off bullshit whenever I see fit. Yet, I don't feel like I've ever really been given a fair chance to actually express myself. My anger, stubbornness and reputation have always dominated what people thought about me. But I always believed that being honest with people and providing constructive criticism was the only real way to improve. As time passed, I realized there's no shot anyone could make it through the day with that mentality.
Most days of the week, I feel like telling almost every person I come in contact with to fuck off. I replay the scene in Beer League in my head, where the old man is smoking a cigar, takes a puff, blows the smoke in his wife's face and says "fuck off". Great scene, but not practical. Reality is that those people you most likely want to beat the living shit out of are the ones telling you what to do. Hence, you have to play the game. And that's just it, the fucking games. I hate the fucking games. I have to play games with females, show interest, dress accordingly, act like your vagina is better than every other one I've ever wanted to bang into submission. Prove I'm not completely a dickhead & full of shit. (only 50%)And for what? So you can tell your friends and family how awesome I am? How great of a guy I am? So 2 weeks, 3 months, or a year from now whenever you get sick of me, you can play me out and brag about it?
This continues in the workplace, at home, at school, at the fucking gym. It's a never ending cycle and if you choose to not partake you're an outcast, a leaper. This post is a perfect example of how I am truly talented in pissing people off. I have friends in relationships they sit there and ask why I'm not in one. I mean were being honest right? I'm no pretty boy; females aren't foaming at the mouth to sleep with me. My language is worse than a 19th century coal miner. I'm not rich, I'm not tall, I don't play a professional sport and I'm not blessed with a Mandingo sized dick. Yet even though I have the balls to admit it, I still work hard every day to improve myself. To be the best person I can be. Of course I've got a ton of flaws, but I'm willing to work on them. That's what I can't understand, why can't people accept their own imperfections?
Are you too Proud or Arrogant to accept the reality that your shit stinks like everyone else? Or is it just that we have to put this face on, act like where better than others for our own self fulfillment. I promised I'd be brutally honest so here it is. I'm putting it all out there, letting people know that I'm not afraid of what you're GOING to say and THINK about me. I'm an asshole, I'm insecure, and I have anger issues. Yeah you're right, but I'm not saying it for pity or sympathy. I'm not a mental midget, crying his eyes out at night. I just want to show people that true strength comes from being who you are. The good, the bad, and everything in between is what defines us.
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